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Growing or Drifting Apart

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 1 Nov 2013 | comments*Discuss
Growing Drifitng Apart Change Re-connect

People change, learn new things and begin to experience life differently. Unfortunately if your partner is the one changing and you are not part of their new world it can feel like they are slipping away from you. By coming together and re-connecting it is possible to grow as a couple and avoid drifting apart.

What’s the Trigger?

Often people don’t just grow apart from each other without there being a trigger for one partner to start changing their behaviour. Perhaps they have started a new job or taken up a new hobby that they have become very involved in and the other person feels left out. Maybe they have joined a new religion or found strong beliefs about the world and their partner is finding it difficult to understand. Or it could be that something traumatic like the death of a loved one happened and it has turned their whole life upside down. Whatever the trigger for the new behaviour you need to work out what it is and try to understand it.

Understanding the Change

When people grow or drift apart what they really mean is that they don’t understand their partner. You fell in love with this person but now they seem to have changed beyond recognition. First of all take a long hard look and you will find that person you fell for. The traits you admired are still there, but may just be under a few new layers. Try and understand why your partner has change and why their new way is so important to them. Show an interest and ask your partner to explain their feelings to you. The first step to re-connecting is t communicate.


If you can feel yourself drifting apart from your partner you need to plug the gap before you get too far away. You need to work at trying to involve yourself in their new life and they need to work on accepting you in. If they have a new hobbie then give it a go, you might like it. If it is a work thing then ask to go along to a function or with religion, attend one of their services. By doing this it doesn’t mean you agree with their views or will like the things that they do, but it shows that you are making an effort for the sake of your relationship. In the same way, get your partner involved in your side of life. It is essential to find activities that you both enjoy, even if it’s just sitting down to dinner together, so you can share in each other. You may have to create a whole new blank canvas of how you interact and live your lives but there is nothing to say that the new canvas won’t turn out to be a masterpiece.

Moving Forward

When you have grown apart from your partner it can take a long time to get back on track. Be patient with each other and yourself and take baby steps towards your goal of re-connecting as a couple. If you decide that the gap is just too wide to bridge and you have done all you can then it might be time to move on alone. This is a big step and may be scary but you deserve to be happy and live your life the way you want.

Growing or drifting apart can be difficult to deal with as you fell like you’ve lost the person you fell in love with. By working together and making the effort to re-connect in your new life, you can salvage the relationship.

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