Protecting Children Through a Divorce or Break Up

Many couples stay together ‘for the sake of the children’ without realising that it is not necessarily the best thing for them. Children are sensitive to what is going on and will pick up on anger or resentment in your relationship. If you decide to end the relationship then you will be surprised how resilient your children are.

Honesty is the Best Policy

When you are going through a divorce or break up where children are involved you need to be honest with them about what is happening. Children are sensitive to what is going on and pick up that something isn’t right. Trying to shield them from it will only leave them confused. Sit your children down together with your partner and explain simply and clearly what is happening. Children can have a tendency to blame themselves so emphasise the fact that you both still love them and it is not their fault. Explain that it is just that you and your partner are no longer happy together. Try to answer any questions they may have and tell them what will happen about where they are going to live, go to school etc.

Stay Civil

You may hate the sight of your partner but it is not fair to cut them out of your children’s lives. However angry you are at them, unless they have been violent or abusive, they deserve to have a relationship with their children. Your children also need to have them as part of their lives. Do not argue with them in front of the children and do not speak badly about them in front of the kids either. You may see the flaws in your ex but your children still love them and need to be left to make their own decisions.

Work Together

If you have split up with your ex acrimoniously then the last thing you probably want to do is sit down and have a polite conversation with him. However you need to be mature about the situation for the sake of the children. You are both their parents and need to have equal say about their lives. If you cannot come to an agreement about visitation rights etc then you will need to use a solicitor. However, you will always be part of each other’s lives as you are bound together by your children and need to learn to work together somehow for them.

Have Fun

Going through a divorce or break up is an emotional and heart breaking time. Not only do you have to deal with all your anger and hurt but also with the practical issues of dividing assets. It will take you time to function normally again but you need to make an effort to get through it for your children. Plan fun days out or activities to help take their mind off what his happening – and yours. If you are having a bad day then send them to play with their friends or to stay at a relative’s. It is normal to struggle and while your children will give you strength, try not to drag them down with you.

It is amazing how well children can adapt to new situations but you need to do your part too. Be honest and open with them and work together with your ex to keep the relationship civil.

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