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Dating Tips for Shy People

By: Sarah O'Hara BA (hons) - Updated: 30 Sep 2010 | comments*Discuss
Dating Tips For Shy People

Dating can be tricky for shy people. If you want to meet someone new, but struggle with shyness, here are some tips on dating.

Try Online Dating

Online dating allows you to get to know someone a little by email or perhaps phone first. This way you may not feel so nervous when you actually meet them and you’ll be more likely to have something to talk about. Be careful not to hide behind emails for too long though – this can be an easy trap to slip into and won’t help you with your dating shyness in the long run.

Ask Questions

Asking questions will create conversation, show your date that you’re interested in them and take the pressure off you. Prepare a few questions in advance if it makes you feel better but make sure you don’t make the date feel like a job interview!

You could ask:

  • Where/what did you study?
  • What’s your favourite food/book/film?
  • Tell me about your job
  • What’s the area you live in like?

Plan an Activity

Plan a date that takes the focus off you. For example, go to a museum or to see a film followed by coffee. You’ll then have something to discuss and other conversation should flow more naturally. The activities also take the pressure off having to speak constantly.

Other things you could do are:

  • Take a class together
  • See a play
  • Go climbing/cycling/whatever you both enjoy
  • Take a history tour
  • Go bowling
  • Try ice-skating

Get Involved

Get involved in activities that interest you and where you’re likely to meet new people. This might be joining a drawing class or hiking group, for example. If you’re meeting and getting to know people in everyday circumstances you’re likely to feel less as much dating pressure should you take things further with someone.

Practise Relaxation Techniques

If you know you’re going to get stressed, practise relaxation and breathing techniques for staying calm.

Practise Talking About Yourself

Whilst asking people about themselves is a great tip for shy people, you’ll need to be able to talk about yourself as well. Plan ahead in your mind a little if it helps and practise doing it more and more. Start by telling someone one thing about yourself and go from there.

Be Prepared

Think about some back-up topics you can talk about if conversation dries up. Read the paper before your date and take it with you – you can bring up any interesting stories you have seen.

Think about films you’ve seen and books you’ve read and be prepared to bring these up to get the conversation flowing.


  • Remember that the other person may well be shy or nervous as well
  • If you feel comfortable, tell the other person you’re shy. Most people will be understanding
  • Sometimes you might have to force yourself to date but it is likely to get easier once you have dated a few times. Try to get out there, even when it’s hard, and avoid hiding behind your shyness

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