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Getting Back Together With Your Ex

By: Sarah O'Hara BA (hons) - Updated: 11 Mar 2020 | comments*Discuss
Getting Back Together Get Back Together

Some people believe that break-ups happen for a reason and that you should never go back. However, others feel that second chances do exist and that lessons can be learned from a break-up which make the relationship stronger in the long-term.

Should you get back together with an ex after a break-up? Here are some issues to consider to help you decide.

Give it Time

The hours and days immediately after a break-up are often the most raw and people sometimes feel like they want to get back with their ex just to make the pain go away. There was a reason that the problem or problems in a relationship came to a head so give yourself a little time to calm down. When the dust has settled you’ll be able to think straight.

What Went Wrong?

Sometimes couples get into a loop of breaking up and getting back together. They think that given ‘one more chance’ their relationship will work. However it doesn’t because the underlying problem causing issues in their relationship is not being addressed.

If you are not thinking about why your relationship went wrong, it’s unlikely that the problems will just go away.

Scared of Being Alone?

You should take this time to consider the reasons you’re thinking of getting back together with your ex. Is it really them and your relationship that you miss or are you fearful of not meeting a new partner?

This is a common feeling for all types of people but you should try and be objective and confident, and know that you will meet someone else when the time is right. Remember that being in the wrong relationship will hold you back from meeting the right person.

Getting Back Together

If you do decide to get back together with your ex, there are a few things you can do to give your relationship the best chance of surviving.

You’ll need to move on from the break-up and agree to make a fresh start. If either of you are harbouring resentment or doubts from the past, it will be hard to go forward.

Agree together what you learned from the break-up. Do you need to work on a particular area of your relationship? Spend more time together/apart? Or, perhaps you need to learn to deal with arguments better and prevent them from escalating unnecessarily.

Dealing with Rejection

If you want to get back together with your ex after a break-up and they don’t, the rejection can be hard to deal with. However, once you have made your feelings on wanting to reunite clear, you shouldn’t hound your ex. You need to accept that, as hard as it is, breaking up may be the best thing for you both and getting back together would just prolong the agony.

If things are going to work out, they will do so in time and begging isn’t likely to change an ex’s mind; at least not for the right reasons.

Try to stay busy and allow yourself time to heal from the break-up. If it wasn’t working out, it’s likely that in time you’ll see that it was for the best. Spend lots of time with people you trust and care about and don’t be afraid to talk about the break-up if it helps.

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I would really appreciate some insight and perspective on this problem of mine. This guy who I had a few dates with last year responded to my text to catch up with an enthusiastic yes. He also mentioned that he had a girlfriend and would have to ask her but that it ‘shouldn’t be too much of an issue’. I did not know about the girlfriend. Now I am wondering about his intentions. We did really like each other but had to stop seeing each other because it became a long-distance relationship. Now I am moving back to where he lives hence why I texted to catch up. I don’t understand why you would want to meet with an ex if you are happy in your relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone by agreeing to meet. Should I meet with him bearing in mind that I would like to keep in touch (but under no circumstances get involved with his relationship!)? We weren’t friends before (we dated) so I am confused as to what his intentions are?
Mia - 11-Mar-20 @ 8:35 PM
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