Building Trust & Bonds

Building trust in a relationship is vital but can often be easier said than done. Past experiences can colour our judgement and make us fearful of putting out trust in anyone. To create solid bonds though and build a strong foundation you need to break down those barriers and look towards the future.

Childhood Experiences

If you were let down by people that were close to you when you were a child then it can leave a big imprint on you. If bonds were never made or were broken then it can make you reluctant to get close to people. Similarly if your parents had a bad relationship or you experienced a lot of mistrust then these feelings will stay with you. What you need to remember is that not all people are the same and what happened is not your fault. Just because your parents had a bad relationship doesn’t mean you will and it is actually likely to make you work harder. Now is the time to break the pattern and take control of your life by not allowing those people who let you down to influence your future. Explain your reservations to your partner and ask them to be patient and understanding with you. Take things slowly and make a big effort not to attribute the traits of those people who let you down onto your partner.

Cheats

When someone you love and trust cheats on you it can shatter your dreams and image of the perfect relationship. It is heart breaking and it is understandable to build up your defences to make sure you don’t experience that pain again. However, if you build them too high you will never be able to enjoy the great parts of a relationship either. Just because your last partner was untrustworthy, don’t tar everyone with the same brush and try and give them a fair chance. Make your new partner aware of what has happened and that you may have issues to overcome. Think about what is fair and reasonable behaviour though and if you would be happy with your partner checking up on you all the time. If you accuse them too much you will only push them away, and maybe even into the arms of someone else.

For The Future

Whatever has happened in your past that has made you wary about building trust and bonds, you can’t change it. It wasn’t your fault and you couldn’t control it. What you can control is how you move forward and create a better future for yourself. The best revenge is to live a great life despite how someone has hurt you. It may be difficult and painful but by accepting what has happened and not letting it rule your life you have the ability to overcome it. Focus on what you want for your relationship and how you can get it. Ask your partner to help you and together you can build the trust and bonds necessary for a healthy and happy relationship. Living in the past and holding on to painful experiences will hinder your ability to build trust and bonds with your new partner. Be fair to them and yourself and move forward with a clean slate.