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Dealing with a Break-Up

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 5 Dec 2016 | comments*Discuss
Dealing With A Break-up

Breaking up with someone is never a good experience. Whether it’s your idea or has come as a shock the emotions can be difficult to deal with. Your expectations and plans for the future can be left shattered and it can take time to move on.

Doing the Breaking Up

If you have decided that you want to break up with your partner then the feelings of guilt can be overwhelming. Although you know it is for the best, having to actually go through with it can be a daunting prospect. Sit your partner down, preferably in their own home, and try and explain your feelings clearly and calmly. Be honest in your reasons but avoid accusations or name calling as it will just make things worse. If they were not expecting it then they are likely to be upset and angry. Expect this reaction and offer them any comfort they need. Don’t back track because you feel guilty, stick to your decision.

Being Dumped

Anyone who had been dumped will tell you that it is no fun. Whether you knew the relationship was on the rocks, or were totally oblivious, you will still be left in shock. When your partner tells you try to remain calm. This is always more easily said than done but by getting angry and throwing accusations around you will just prolong the agony. Try to listen to what your partner has to say – maybe it makes sense. Once the initial shock is over you will be upset and angry. It is healthy to indulge these emotions for a while and rant to your friends and family. However, try not to let them overwhelm you. Remove all reminders of your partner such as photos and cards and don’t be tempted to call them. You need to work through your emotions but wallowing in them won’t help anyone.

Custody of Friends

When you have been in a relationship it is likely that you will have lots of friends in common. When you then break up it can be awkward. Your friends are in a difficult situation and it is unfair to expect them to take sides. Try not to talk badly about you ex around them as they probably don’t want to get involved. If you try to play them off against each other and score points you will just look worse. Although you may not feel like, try to be mature about the situation and accept that your friends still like your ex and will be spending time with them. If it is too difficult to socialise in your usual haunts where your ex may be then arrange a night out somewhere else. If your friends are worth having they too will be willing to make the effort.

Get Out There

After a break up it is normal to want to hide away, watch TV and eat chocolate. You will be feeling low and probably start questioning what is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you, your ex just wasn’t right for you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start enjoying your new single life. Think of all the things you can do with your extra time, without having to compromise with anyone else. Start a new hobby, go on holiday or just enjoy a good old bit of flirting. Don’t expect too much of yourself too soon but by taking small steps you will be surprised how soon you will on your feet and dancing.

At some point in our life nearly all of us will have to deal with a break up. It’s not fun but it’s usually for the best and you can look forward to a better future.

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JoBo - Your Question:
Hi I need advice, my husband of 10 years been together 21 has left me for someone else. He has moved in with her. The mortgage and bills are in my name. He wants me to pay him half the equity.Now!! When do I have to pay him?

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Unless you agree to pay your ex and wish to voluntarily, legally you do not have to do or pay him anything if the mortgage is in your name. Whether he is entitled to anything from you from your estate will depend upon how long you have lived together and whether he can prove he has a beneficial interest in, what is essentially, your property. If you have children and the children are living with you, this will also make a difference with regards to his claim on your home. However, before you do or agree to anything, I suggest you seek legal advice and promise nothing to him, until you are aware of your own rights.
RelationshipExpert - 6-Dec-16 @ 11:22 AM
Hi I need advice, my husband of 10 years been together 21 has left me for someone else. He has moved in with her. The mortgage and bills are in my name. He wants me to pay him half the equity.Now!! When do I have to pay him?
JoBo - 5-Dec-16 @ 5:32 PM
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