Everybody dreams of meeting their soulmate and living happily ever after but unfortunately life doesn’t always happen like that. People change and so do their feelings. Even though you have been madly in love and perfect for each other when you first met circumstances can make you grow apart and sometimes you have to admit that you can’t give each other what you need any more.
There are many things that can make couples grow apart. Most often it is just the passage of time and the changes that life brings with it. Perhaps you have both developed different interests and don’t seem to do things together any more. Maybe one of you got a new job that has caused you to change or develop a new set of friends. Sometimes it is a big life changing event such as a tragedy or illness that has made you re-evaluate your beliefs or values. Such events can also push you apart when you each deal with grief or loss in different ways. Whatever it is, the first step it to admit that it is happening. It is still possible to save your relationship if you work together to create common ground. You could take up a new hobby together or share each other’s interests. It may feel like you are only taking small steps but slowly you will re-discover why you were together in the first place. If you decide that the distance is too far grown then it may be best to amicably split and pursue your own life as the new person you are.
Changes in Feelings
When you fall in love it is the most exciting and satisfying experience and you think you will feel that way about your partner forever. Unfortunately life is a lot more complicated than that and feelings have a habit of changing. You may not be able to put your finger on why exactly you feel differently. Often there isn’t a big event or argument that leads up to it but a slow gradual shift over a period of time. If your feelings have changed you need to decide what you want to about it. If you still want to salvage your relationship then you need to talk to your partner. They are likely to shocked and upset and it is advisable to see a counsellor to help talk through your feelings. If it is your partner who has had a change of heart then try not to be angry at them. By approaching you about it they are trying to fix it and by being confrontational you will only push them further away. Try to understand how they feel and work with them to fix it.
Time to Go
If your feelings are too far gone to go back then you may have to make the decision to leave. This can be an emotional experience for both partners and be disappointing, upsetting and frightening. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to adapt to the new situation. When you have been with someone for a long time the world can seem like a whole different place when you face it alone. Build a support network of friends and family but try not to attribute blame. By doing so you will only alienate your partner and make it more difficult for all involved. Focus on your future and what you want to do to live a fulfilling life. Growing apart and changes in feeling are never easy but whatever the outcome, with patience and understanding you can get through it and come out the other end smiling.
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I've been with my partner 16 years,we av 4 children all with problems and 1 with disabilities, it as always been me dealing with it all ( appointments meetings ect) but over the past few yrs it's made me ill, I am however feeling better than I did, but our relationship as been hard work! I don't feel like I'm in a relationship anymore, he even asked me if I was aving a affair!That realy hurt. He says he loves me, but I'm finding it difficult to forget the fact that he doesn't trust me, he can't trust me if he thought I would do something like that!I'm trying so hard to try and get us back on track, but I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I realy don't no where to go from here.
aqua6425 - 14-Oct-15 @ 9:54 AM
@Shishi - often when families have a new child it puts a strain on a relationship because despite everything we are told nothing prepares us for the sleepless nights and the upset in routine. You need to sit down with him and tell him that while he might not be able to see the problem, you are desperately unhappy and would like to undergo counselling rather than your marriage break up. I really hope you manage to sort it out.
JJ - 21-Oct-14 @ 11:31 AM
I seriously need, I feel as if my husband and I are drifting apart. We've only been married for a year nd have a baby of 6months. He's has become soooo insensitive and does not communicate anything to me, every time I try to talk to him he get irritated and ignore me he's jst not interested. M tnkng we should go for counselling but don't know how to tell him bcos he doesn't see d problem.