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Getting Back with an Ex

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 6 Jan 2014 | comments*Discuss
 
Ex Partner Relationship Lonely Issues

There are many reasons why you might want to get back with an Ex. Maybe you still have feelings for them you are lonely or it just seems like an easy option. While you might not have to face the same issues as you would with a new partner, doing for the wrong reasons will just evoke a whole lot more.

The Easy Option

When you come out of a relationship it is common to feel a little bit lost and lonely. You miss the companionship, the familiarity and the cosy nights on the sofa. The thought of going back out and finding someone else can seem scary and too much like hard work, whereas getting back with your ex would be easy. Being lonely is not a good enough reason to running back into their arms though. Yes it might be easier but once the initial excitement has warn off all the problems that made you split up un the first place will rise back to the surface.

Trying Again

It can be true what they say – absence makes the heart grow fonder. Spending time apart can make you realise what you have lost and make you more determined to make it work. If this is the case, and you are both willing to put in the work, then getting back together can be a positive move. Sit down and talk about how you feel, what went wrong and what you would like to happen. Getting back together without addressing the issues that split you up is just a recipe for more heartache. Take time to get to know each other again. Many couples split up and then get back together again successfully but you need to be committed, open and willing to change.

Jealousy

It’s the classic age old scenario – you don’t want them but you don’t want anyone else to have them. When you see you ex with someone else, even if you ended the relationship, it can be agony. You were so used to having a claim over them that seeing them lavishing attention on someone else can be too much to bare.

Pangs of jealousy are not reason to get back together with them though. Nor is it fair to lead them on and get intimate just to prove that you can.

If your jealousy is a sign of deeper feelings then take time to decide if you wan to act on it. If it is purely a case of wanting what you can’t have them remove yourself from the situation and focus you attention on someone else.

Know Where You Stand

While you may think that you are getting back together to live happily ever after your Ex may just think it’s a bit of familiar fun. Before anything happens between you it is a good idea to establish exactly what you are both expecting to get out of it. If you both want something casual then great. Or if you are both serious about trying again, good luck. If you have vastly different ideas about where your relationship is heading though, don’t expect them to change their mind and think carefully about whether it is a good idea to get involved.

Getting back with an Ex can be a positive thing but you need to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Before you so anything think about what you really want and don’t complicate the situation by acting on impulse.

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