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Violent or Abusive Relationships

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 15 Nov 2010 | comments*Discuss
Abuse Abusive Abuser Violent Violence

Unfortunately many people suffer violent or abusive relationships and are too afraid or embarrassed to speak out. They make excuses for their partners and blame themselves for what is happening but if you are suffering in silence then there is help out there.

Mental Abuse

Abuse isn’t necessarily physical and you can have deep psychological scars from somebody mentally abusing you. If your partner constantly puts you down calls you names or makes you feel inferior and afraid then you are suffering from mental abuse. When there are no physical scars and no outward signs of the abuse then it often less likely that other people will pick up on what is happening. You'll be afraid that people won’t believe you or that your partner will say you are a liar but it is amazing how much people will understand. Try confiding in a close friend or family member that your trust. Once you have shared your secret you will feel much more capable of addressing it.


There is no excuse for physical violence. Your partner may make excuses or tell you that it is your fault for winding them up or making them angry. It isn’t. People that use violence have a problem and need to seek help. It is common for abusers to breakdown after they have attacked you or promise they will never do it again. However much you would like to believe them you know in your heart that they will not change their ways. You deserve more than living in fear and having to suffer physical violence against you. Find a friend or family member who you can stay with so that you are out of danger and take a stand against your partner. Waiting for them to change or praying it will not happen again is not the answer. Once they can admit their problem and seek help then there is the possibility you can move forward with your relationship in a safe and secure way.


If you have children then it is very important to keep them away from a violent partner. Your partner may never have attacked them and may promise that he never would but it is not worth taking that risk. If your partner has been violent or abusive towards you then they have the capability to do it to your children. As a parent it is your duty to protect your children from harm and remove them from dangerous situations.

You may feel that taking them away from their parent is unfair or that they will blame you but children are a lot cleverer than we think and will understand. It is likely that they have already picked up on the abuse that you are suffering and this in itself is unhealthy for them.

If You Are The Abuser

If you are the person that is being violent or abusive towards your partner then you need to seek help. You will probably know that your behaviour is unacceptable but find it hard to control your actions. Each time you do it you may promise that it will never happen again, but somehow it does. There are many reasons why people become violent or abusive and maybe there is something in your past you are having trouble dealing with. Perhaps somebody abused you but now is the time to break the cycle. By seeking help you will not only be making life better for yourself but also your partner and, if you have them, your children. It can be difficult to admit that you have a problem but it is the biggest step you can take to recovering.

If you or someone you know is being physically or mentally abused than you need to seek help. Contact www.refuge.org.uk or call 0808 2000 247

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